Good Music / Bad Music

Chris Brown – Douchebag Extraordinaire

by admin on Sep.05, 2009, under Bad Music, Video

A few nights ago, Chris Brown appeared on Larry King Live with his lawyer and his mommy.  If you can bring yourself to do it, you can watch his stupid ass here…

Okay.  Let’s discuss.

Music reviewer, Bill Lamb, hailed Brown’s album, Exclusive, as “an admirably clean record that is unlikely to raise any fears from parents concerned about content.”

Now let’s be clear.  Chris Brown is dancing for the white man.  As a result, he’s very wealthy and also very young.  New money breeds arrogance.  And now it’s sitting in front of Larry King wearing a dumb ass baby blue bow-tie.

So he comes on the show to clear the air for beating up his pop star girlfriend, Rihanna.  Fine.  But as soon as Larry King asks him what happened that night, Brown says that he doesn’t want to talk about it…over and over again.  So why is he on the show?  (Maybe he should be doing Zack and Cody again, instead.)

We learn that this is not Brown’s first time roughing up Rihanna.  There are, in fact, two other documented situations.  The lawyer answers for those and, not surprisingly, Larry King lets him dance around it.  Ultimately, he allows Brown to dance around the entire interview.  Normally, I would think dancing is what Chris Brown does best (?) but here, it’s pathetic.

What’s his excuse?  What are his feelings on what happened with Rihanna?  Something like, “Shit was crazy!  I don’t even know!”

When King shows a video apology that Brown recorded, Brown mentions this:

“I had some help with the wording, but it was from my heart.”

Gee.  I wonder who helped him with the wording?  His publicist, perhaps?  Isn’t all of this just a thinly veiled attempt to save his career by displaying to America that he is a nonthreatening, aw-shucks, all singing, all dancing black guy – perfectly safe for the children of the white guys that he’s making all that money for? A BABY BLUE BOW-TIE.

Playing the victim, Brown and his lawyer have plenty of blame to pass around for the media, “haters/bloggers” and, in the recent issue of People magazine, Oprah Winfrey.  Yes.  Oprah Winfrey. Oprah apparently did an episode of her show about domestic violence and she dedicated it to Rihanna.  About that, Brown said this to People:

“I commend Oprah on being like, ‘This is a problem,’ but it was a slap in my face. I did a lot of stuff for her, like going to Africa and performing for her school. She could have been more helpful, like, ‘Okay, I’m going to help both of these people out.”

Wow.  He went to Africa, sang and danced, and believes that to be a burdensome favor?  What an ass…especially for someone who calls music his passion.  Most people would be grateful for such an opportunity – even as tourists, let alone performers.   Then again, most people are not Chris Brown. He’s young, wealthy and spoiled – very, very spoiled.

Now this being a music review site, I better mention something about Chris Brown’s music, which I used to have to give constant airtime to when I DJed briefly at a coked out, miserable, republican sports bar. I know it well enough to say that, just like that coked out, miserable, republican sports bar, Brown’s music can be described in the following terms:  trite, white, and culturally regressive.

Fuck you, Chris Brown.

 

Don’t give your money to Chris Brown.  Instead give it to someone who is actually saying something:

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