Good Music / Bad Music

So I haven’t reviewed anything in a while now and that’s not fair to readers. I at least owe someone who might care a review of the latest Lady Gaga album. Time has passed since I got my hands on it and my exposure to this pop persona has increased immensely. Same for most everyone, I think.

Previously, I used to be pretty mean to her. “Lady Caca,” I would call her. “Pure pop garbage” was my basic stance. I blogged about a website that was critical of the Illuminati symbolism she incorporates into her shtick (you have to admit…it’s totally there).

To the Illuminati blog, my [now ex] girlfriend mentioned something just as I had thought of it, too. The secret society stuff is a good gimmick. Indeed it is. Secret Chiefs 3, one of the most truly gifted bands of our day, uses the same gimmick. The difference is this, though: Secret Chiefs 3 own their gimmick…Lady Gaga seems to be a victim of hers. Granted, the mere thought of her as a tool for wealthy and powerful forces of old makes for an incredibly dark aura around America’s [generally] blond heroin. (Yes…like the drug.)

But hey. That can be a morbidly enjoyable thing, as well. I should be entertained, not sympathetic to a zombie pop star. Shit. I don’t even know her. Furthermore, most straight people that like her aren’t even worth knowing.

But then there are the gays. Gay people really seem to enjoy Lady Gaga. Not just gay people, but gay people with respectable taste. Sure, Lady Gaga leaves no second guessing of her affinity for gay culture. There is something deeper here, though. Homosexuals see something there that apparently strikes at the core of gay culture. In a nutshell, I presume it’s basically flamboyance. That weird, large stepping, up looking, blue light basking sex via feeling via driving electronic music (and maybe a little bit of cocaine or ecstasy back in the day…or bathroom).

As a mostly straight male, I have never really understood that whole thing and I probably never will. And being outside of that perspective, I have a really hard time discerning that which is a cultural imperative and that which is a stereotype. Pandering to homosexuals is great…especially if the artist truly respects their current civil rights struggle. However, keeping an air of 1990 doesn’t seem progressive enough, rendering Gaga to potentially be nothing more than a fleeting gag.

The costumes are fun. Great even. She can actually play a piano and sing, too. Awesome. But we have to ask ourselves…how is all this good stuff being utilized?

Answer: Poorly.

The music is the thing, so let’s just take it there for now.  It has a beat.  It has very basic keyboard programming.  It has some gottdamned autotuning.  Lyrically, it’s not saying anything that would make anyone think outside of themselves.  Thankfully, it’s not the ego worshiping call to superficiality that her debut, The Fame, was.  Instead, we have eight suffocating tracks about all those crazy feelings you get when you’re in love!  Whoopity doo.

So this girl has a large platform now and this is how she uses it.  Dressing up the typical and mundane as something greater than it is.  I must give her credit, for it is so well dressed that it is difficult to turn away from.  Until, of course, it opens its mouth.  Then it becomes further evidence of who really controls pop music.  Say it with me!  Coked out rich guys and their demographic analysis!

And so, despite some crazy design work, we end up revisiting sounds reminiscent of unfortunately unforgettable acts such as Ace of Base, La Bouche and – I don’t know – Haddaway?  Is this a sound that defines a generation…or a movement?  I hope not.  Yet, Gaga does show promise in a single song.  Of course, I am talking about the album’s sole organic track, “Speechless.”  Another stupid relationship song – one I’m sure will be the “last skate of the night” at roller rinks everywhere – but considering the music alone, it’s a talented stretch compared to all else she has released.  Too bad it’s the token slow song in a wading pool of crack.

Frat boys can go to clubs, hear this music and like it because the girls will dance to it.  Maybe a few of them will actually realize Gaga’s nod to homosexuality.  Then they can secretly get really into it, fuck a few dudes, then get married to a woman and resent their lives.  Sad and funny at the same time!

The true societal mess of all this exists in the viewpoint of those frat boys’ dads and all their political clout.  Equal rights for homosexuals?  Of course.  America is incredibly late to the game on that.  But these older, wealthier forces are going to need a hell of a lot of arm twisting to believe that.  All Lady Gaga does is spook them deep into the safe, dark corners of their own belief systems.  Their stereotypes become reinforced as it appears to them that perhaps gay has never changed.  It continues to be read by them as something stagnant and specific.  A shallow light show with cooties.  (Re: Adam Lambert.)

Those kinds of people are simply not hip to the idea of an intellectual homosexual.  All they have is MTV and the news.  That’s as far as homosexuality reaches into their homes or psyches.  Seeing as how inescapable Gaga the Symbol is in these things, I have to wonder if maybe she is that aforementioned zombie pop star – controlled by her handlers as an attempt at reverse psychology to reinforce the gay stereotype and prevent their civil rights struggle from being taken seriously enough to gain any real traction.

Yes.  This is a delicate thing.  Who the fuck am I to tell Lady Gaga to change her “message” and sound to appease some rich asshole I don’t even care about?  So if I may, I would like to address Lady Gaga directly, as a friend.  And to her, I say this…

Take this influence you have and transcend all that you have built in flaccid pop music.  If you wish to be a political force, then use your message as political leverage.   I believe in you, Lady Gaga.

Oh…and quit making music that sounds so fucking dated.

I know. I know. I may as well just turn this into a Lady Gaga blog. But hey…I did so many good music reviews, it’s about time the bad music caught up.

So okay. Here is the new video for “Video Phone” by Beyonce and Lady Caca. Brace yourself…

This makes the Black Eyed Peas almost forgivable.

We have two ongoing wars. We have our first black president and subsequent racial tensions. We have an economic mess. We have health care debates. We have American soldiers shooting each other in Texas. All this crazy change is in the air and the best these two idiots can offer our country is a song about taking pictures with a cell phone? Where is your fucking sense of purpose?

Oh I know. Say it again. “We don’t care about society. We just want to have FUN!” Just dance, right? And this is the exact thing that leads to apathetic, disillusioned and isolated zombies. Focus on the jiggly girls and make sure you have your own camera phone so you can film your awesome friends getting coked up and drunk while they dance to this song, themselves.

So much can be done with the power of music. Prolific messages, set to creative music, can permeate minds enough to instill truly evolutionary and revolutionary thought. This, however, is neither prolific nor creative. It is not evolutionary nor revolutionary. This is business as usual for record executives that snort cocaine through hundred dollar bills. It’s status quo, bred from a fear of change, and a desire for excess.

Are these girls even people at all? Beyonce has apparently adopted the same empty, soulless appearance of Rihanna. Lady Gaga, it appears, is actually Riff Raff from The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Funny how the more they pretty her up, the uglier she really is.

People, we have to fight this crap. It’s not just the point that this “music” doesn’t contribute to positive change. It’s not even the point that this “music” doesn’t say anything at all. The problem is that this music is turning people into stupid assholes. Open your eyes and realize that pop music has sounded about the same for the last twenty years. This is but a tool used by corporate interests to keep you sexually frustrated, mentally dull, ignorant of reality and, most importantly, returning to their product.

Do the world a favor and listen to real music. There’s a lot of it out there…and it’s not on the radio or MTV.

So today I got my hands on the yet to be released album by Lady Gaga, The Fame Monster. I intend to review it once I can bring myself to actually poison my ears with it. At the moment, I feel much more in tune with the immaculate Echo and the Bunnymen album, Ocean Rain, after getting into a little dialog about it with Kenny from Destroyed by Magnets. I didn’t want Echo or those Bunnymen to get in the way of my dirty task of doing my homework on Lady Gaga. And so I took to the internet and happened upon a conspiracy that actually seems to hold a lot of water for me.

It’s from The Vigilant Citizen and it’s an article entitled, “Lady Gaga, The Illuminati Puppet.” Of course it asserts the obvious: Lady Gaga sedates the masses by promoting mental emptiness and physical objectification. I don’t think a person on this planet could argue with that…except maybe Chris Crocker and the other idiots that used to request this crap back when I used to DJ at a coked out sports bar.

Okay. I don’t think a tactful, intelligent person on this planet could argue with that.

This article digs pretty damn deep as to how and why the whole facade works. The author points out a good lot of blatant Illuminati symbolism constructed around Lady Gaga, while picking apart the messages behind her videos and persona. He (or she) brings up Project MK-ULTRA, certain that Lady Gaga is both a product and tool of that strange but true government experiment. The whole thing makes me feel even more disturbed by Lady Gaga’s influence than I did before. I’ll save my rants for the review, but come on. The girl doesn’t actually sing about anything at all, you know.

So why do people keep giving her their money? Oh that’s right. Because “people” are actually robots who’s television dictated life experience all adds up to this sad, sad sedative.

Don’t take my word for it. Check out the article here: Lady Gaga, The Illuminati Puppet.

It’s a good read.

Enjoy your sleep, zombies!

UPDATE: There are now two additional Lady Gaga articles on The Vigilant Citizen! Collect them all…

Lady Gaga, The Illuminati Puppet Part 2

Lady Gaga’s Bad Romance – The Occult Meaning

A couple weeks ago, a remastered version of the entire Beatles catalog was released, alongside (The Beatles: Rock Band).  Considering the timelessness of their contribution to both music and sound, in general, this was excellent news.  I decided to dive in with Abbey Road, which is probably my favorite Beatles record.

Now, I suppose it’s kind of dumb to review an album that’s already been around for forty years and is, by any measure, considered a classic.  So there will be nothing here like: “Starr’s “Octopus’s Garden” seems to be much less off putting than his previous contributions, and fits well with the rest of the record, despite its overt quirkiness.”  I mean…no shit.  Right?  We all know the album.  There are, however, two main observations I would like to divulge.

First of all, the remastering job on this record is top notch.  Apparently, someone spent four years tweaking the catalog and it certainly sounds like it. Though some of the gruffness is properly still in tact here and there, it really sounds as though this is a newly produced work. But it’s not.  It’s the Beatles. As a result, there is a strange phenomenon that occurs when we listen.

See, the Beatles normally make a listener feel kind of happy.  It’s positive music, with colorful sound choices throughout.  Listening to these remasters, however, an undercurrent of mild depression sets in.  We hear not just what can be done with music, but what was done with music a long long time ago.  Because the dynamics of the sound are as crystal clear as any of the music today, we must begin to ask ourselves: “What the hell happened to music today?”

Not all music, of course. But popular music.  In the 60’s, the Beatles were on the radio and everyone loved it.   It was difficult to wrap ones mind around, for it was such a revolutionary sound for the time, and yet it was so accommodating that no one was really afraid to try.  Fast forward to your radio today and we have to settle for Lil Wayne and Lady Gaga?  Considering how much money is being thrown at trite crap like that, you’d think the coked out execs could at least afford to make it sound decent.  What the hell happened?

But I digress.  After all, this is article is filed under “Good Music” and indeed, the Beatles are.

The second and final point I’d like to hit on is something that has always bothered me about Abbey Road.  I’d like to submit it for discussion so that when they remaster the album again in 2020 or whenever, it may possibly have a chance at being debated.

Here we go…

If we are not afraid to enhance the sound of The Beatles, I believe we should also not be afraid to enhance the order of the songs.  That being said, there is one fundamental flaw with the flow of Abbey Road.  I believe now, and forever so shall, that “Here Comes the Sun” and “Come Together” need desperately to swap positions on the record.  If you do not believe me, burn yourself a copy with these songs interchanged.

As it stands, “Come Together” kicks off the album and “Here Comes the Sun” ushers in the second half.   It would make more sense to the flow if “Here Comes the Sun” started off the whole thing, leaving “Come Together” to fill in what should be an edgier, more minimalist space between “I Want You (She’s So Heavy)” and “Because.”  Additionally, this would put more songs in between “Here Comes the Sun” and “Sun King.”  Those two “Sun” songs so close together detracts from what would otherwise seem to be an intentionally woven theme.   If my proposed changes were made, we could have one “Sun” song for each half of the album.

I know most people would not have ever really thought about that.  Most people have already accepted Abbey Road for what it is and are likely resistant to the idea of this change.  But consider this: my proposed order actually is the order on some of the older cassette issues of Abbey Road.  That is how I found out, unintentionally going down that path.   Now that I’ve been there, however, I will never go back.

Switch and see!  Switch and see!

Everybody knows about it, and here is the closest thing to it still available on youtube:

First of all, I don’t generally give a shit about any aspect of MTV, let alone their overtly metrosexual, excessive and excessively lipsynched, shitfest Video Music Awards. Their idea of good music was sold to a conglomeration of coked out CEOs a long, long time ago. So let’s be clear that the forum is insignificant. Kanye West is full of shit in any setting this could have possibly taken place in.

Taylor Swift. I have not seen her winning video and I don’t care what happens in it. I do know for a fact that she started out her career as a professional song writer with Sony AND she can actually play an instrument. Credibilitywise, this already puts her leaps and bounds above almost every other pretty face on eMpTy-V. However, even if she was as crappy as, say, Lady Caca, it’s still her damned award that she earned fair and square through backroom corporate deals. Kanye had no right…

…unless, of course his actions are a result of other backroom corporate deals. And would this surprise anyone? Look at how much attention it’s drawn to the Video Music Awards. I even heard Sean Hannity’s stupid ass talking about it. And who was on the debut episode of the Jay Leno Show the next night? Kanye! Of course! What convenient timing! It’s almost as convenient as the close-up reaction shot of Beyonce immediately after Kanye said her video was one of the best ever! (Remember…that Sacha Baron Cohen and Eminim thing was totally fixed.)

And what about Beyonce’s video for “Single Ladies?” One of the best videos ever, Kanye? I think he should of said, “one of the most underproduced and overrated videos ever.” Sure, it’s gimmick exploded all over the face of American culture, but come on. One of the best videos ever? Not even close. It’s just three girls dancing in front of a white screen. I would like to believe that one of the “best videos ever” actually took some time, perseverance and innovative cinematic artistry to conceptualize and produce. I guess it’s just one more symptom of America’s descent into mass mental retardation.

What the hell happened to this guy?

Of course, he was kind of wrong then. George Bush actually didn’t care about poor people. (He did do a few really good things for Africa during his presidency.) Regardless, at least Kanye’s opposition made sense then. How do you go from taking out your aggression on old white men who won political races under circumstances that were questionable at best, to taking out your aggression on cute, self-made, nineteen year old girls?

You know what my favorite Kanye West song is? This one.

Fuck you, gay fish.